I have a confession: I used to put relationships on a pedestal. I used to believe they are something that should be easy, carefree, and look like the movies.
I thought having to work hard meant that something was “wrong.”
Now I know that when two people with different backgrounds, parenting styles, beliefs, and views of the world are in love, they bring with them different thoughts, opinions, and preferences that can inevitably lead to challenges. No matter how perfect of a match you are for each other, there will be some things you have to discuss, talk through, and work out to make your relationship strong.
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I’m very lucky to be in love with my best friend—someone who is incredibly kind, smart, driven, loving, silly, respectful—and someone who people are genuinely happy to be around. We’ve been together for three and a half years now, and even so, I feel like we are still learning new things about each other every day.
Both of us come from families of divorce, yet I’ve come to find out that my parent’s divorce has impacted me much more. It’s something that weighs on me subconsciously, bringing up the occasional fear and doubt about my own relationship—and surprise, surprise—when I try to push those thoughts away, that doesn’t work. Thankfully, I am with someone who fully supports me when I am experiencing relationship anxiety, and we approach any issues between us with an “us vs. the problem” mentality.
I’m very grateful for the relationship we have—yet know I have so much to learn. Our relationship means the world to me, and really has taught me so much about myself and what it means to be a great partner. I’ve learned that having a great relationship is possible, but it takes effort and communication. It takes having messy conversations and being vulnerable.
It takes doing the work.
the work to discover why the heck you are triggered by something your significant other is doing or saying
the work to be vulnerable and over communicate what you are feeling, even when it feels easier to not bring it up
the work to drive back and forth from Northern Virginia to Richmond Virginia for three and a half years to spend time with the person you love
the work to learn about each other’s communication styles, how to speak their Love Language, and how to apologize in a way that resonates
the work to listen to podcasts, read books and watch video interviews of successful couples to learn from them and try their advice to see if it benefits your relationship
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It’s been said that nothing worth having comes easy—and relationships are no exception. One thing is for certain: I want long lasting love in my life, despite not having it modeled for me growing up. I plan to do the work to create a partnership that embodies love, joy, support, friendship, and accountability in being the best versions of ourselves.
cheers to the work ahead!
xx
Sarah
