One thing I’ve been working on in my own relationship and helping my clients with lately is knowing when to zoom in, and knowing when to zoom out.
What the heck does this mean, you ask?
Well, there are going to be times in life and in relationships where it’s beneficial to see things from a different lens or frame of reference.
And in order to do that, it may require thinking about something in a more micro (detailed, situational) way, or a more macro (overhead view, higher-level) way.
Zooming in would be shifting the focus from the big picture to something smaller and easier to grasp.
Zooming out would be shifting the focus from the little details to the birds-eye view.
An example of each is below:
Zooming in
If you tend to get overwhelmed by the future often, you may need to zoom in further; perhaps on the next hour, day, or week ahead of you. For example: instead of asking “what if we grow apart and begin to resent each other in 5 years?” maybe asking “how can I show up in a loving way for myself and for my partner today or this week?”
Zooming out
If you tend to get stuck on moment-to-moment feelings, behaviors, or inconveniences within your relationship or partner (ex: “they didn’t take out the trash tonight—ugh, they don’t listen!” or “I’m not feeling attracted to them right now, what does this mean?”), you may need to zoom out to look at the relationship as a whole. Shifting into the bigger picture can help remind you that a relationship is made up of both positives and negatives, and remind you that overall, the relationship is something you’re choosing for a reason.
Whether you tend to be more zoomed in or zoomed out as a baseline, it’s worth mentioning that life and relationships often happen in the middle-ground.
Getting stuck in the minor details without ever looking at the big picture can lead to being overly critical. Getting stuck in the big picture without ever looking in the minor details can lead to higher levels of fear.
A balance of the two can be helpful.
If you tend to hyper-focus on the little things, perhaps zooming out to the big picture more often will help you balance this out.
If you tend to fixate on the bigger picture to the point of feeling out of control, perhaps zooming in to more bite-sized ‘steps.’
And even if we can just remind ourselves that we have the option to change our frame of reference at any moment, that may help us in the moments of feeling too zoomed in or out.
We get to choose to stop ourselves if we notice ourselves shifting into one extreme or the other often.
That’s the beautiful thing about the mind—for as much as it creates chaos for us at times, it’s also extremely powerful and can help us change the meaning we create from something or the frame of reference we choose to view life in.
