This post explores being a beginner and trusting the process, despite uncertainty.
It feels so grounding to be sitting down in front of the computer writing a blog.
I am writing from a whole different perspective than the version of me who was writing consistent blogs.
This perspective feels nostalgic, because as I write it feels like the beginning days of my blog—yet I am a whole new version of me writing.
When I say new, I mean I have changed a lot since my first blog post five years ago (which you can check out here if you are curious!)…
And also new in the sense that I feel like a whole new person sine the version of myself who sat down and wrote my ‘messy middle’ blog post back in February of this year (it’s linked here).
A Low Point for Me in 2025
February was definitely a low point for me where I felt really lost, and felt really scared that I would feel lost forever.
There were days where I had to lay in the dark in my room just taking long deep breaths because my nervous system felt so overwhelmed.
I knew I was ready for some sort of growth and evolution, but it all felt so hazy…
What will I do next?
And why will I do it?
For the last 6 months or so since writing that—it’s felt like I have been in a cocoon.
I’ve been metaphorically slowing down, turning inward, and surrendering to the discomfort of not knowing what’s next.
Surrendering by force—not by choice.
There was a lot of resistance at first—but eventually, I realized that surrendering to the discomfort was the only way forward.
Amidst the discomfort of not knowing what’s next—I held out hope that I would emerge on the other side as a butterfly spreading her wings and flying in a more clear direction.
But in the depths of the discomfort, it all felt so uncertain and scary.
Because let me just tell ya…
As a business owner who’s the one responsible for steering the ship in a direction in order for things to move forward—it’s really freaking uncomfortable when you don’t know what direction you’re going.
Like really really uncomfortable.
The Pressure for Work and Passion to Coexist
I put a lot of pressure on myself for my work to be my passion or my purpose in this world.
When I started this blog and started sharing my relationship anxiety journey and decided I wanted to help other people—I declared this my “passion project.”
There’s also a lot of pressure for work to be something we’re passionate about, or to “live your passion.”
Which in a way, I do agree with. I want to continue connecting to what I am passionate about.
And yet…
When we get into “should’s” and “supposed to’s” and absolutes it can turn slippery pretty quick.
“I should always feel like work is my passion” can lead to a lot of pressure and guilt.
^This same type of “should” thinking can get a lot of people caught up in relationship anxiety: here is how my relationship should look, here is how I should feel 24/7.
Whatever part of our life that we are adding “should’s” “supposed to’s” and comparison on top of—we are going to feel like we’re doing something wrong.
If we feel like there is a right way (and if we are doing something different, we’re not doing it “right”)—we will feel bad or wrong (hellooo, shame).
This pattern which used to run rampant in my relationship is now appearing more and more in the work I do.
And I’m really seeing how much these patterns have been blocking my growth.
How am I supposed to grow and evolve in my own unique way if I am trying to figure out someone else’s way that they have grown or evolved?
I am my own person with my own unique path in front of me.
Yet the scared inner part of me wants to make sure she is fitting in, doing things right, and not messing anything up.
So it’s been a process to help that inner part of me feel more safe to be her unique self, and trust the process.
Which is what led me to sit down to write today.
Letting Myself Share As I'm Learning
The reason I am excited to be writing again is because I finally feel like I have more clarity (not perfect clarity—but more than before!) on ways I can take you along with me in my journey from cocoon to butterfly.
I’ve been holding myself back from sharing my journey (which I am very much still on!) because it all feels so uncertain.
When I don’t know exactly what’s coming next, it feels messy.
And because it feels messy, I convince myself that it’s going to make me look messy to share it.
BUT THAT STOPS NOW!
Because I have things that I am learning, practicing, doing that I am really excited about but I have been keeping hush hush.
I’ve been overthinking it.
I’ve been shying away from stepping outside of my comfort zone.
I’ve been making up reasons why I shouldn’t share.
But recently as I was journaling I had a huge aha moment that felt exciting to me.
It felt like a “DUH” moment. Something that was an option all along but I had forgotten about it.
And that something is writing blog posts to share my journey and take you with me as I am evolving, growing, and transforming.
Going back to where You Love and You Learn started.
Letting myself share what I am learning as I am learning it, vs. being someone who has already learned it.
Because when I look back at the girl who sat down to write those blog posts…
The girl who shared what she was learning about all things love, relationships, and my journey through relationship anxiety…
The girl who hit publish even though she’d never had a blog before…
…she literally had no idea what would happen next.
She just knew she was excited about something and wanted to share it with other people.
Her plan wasn’t to become a relationship anxiety coach.
Her plan wasn’t to leave the corporate world and have her own business.
Her plan wasn’t to grow a platform of hundreds of thousands of people.
Her plan wasn’t to become a podcaster.
Her plan wasn’t to create digital resources for others navigating relationship anxiety (like the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit that has helped over 800 people, or the webinars which have been viewed by thousands of people around the world).
That version of me didn’t know anything about what was in store.
She just sat down to write and express herself.
GAH, looking back—I am so proud of her.
That took courage.
And I really want to channel more of that courageous energy in this season.
Because right now, especially through this season of uncertainty, not knowing, discovering…
…it feels very appropriate (and honestly very comforting) to let myself write all of this out.
To let myself trust the process, even without knowing the outcome.
It reminds me of a quote from Rumi that I have been really leaning on a lot recently, which says:
“As you start to walk on the way, the way appears.”
This feels especially true for me right now.
And slowly but surely, I am getting evidence for this being true.
My Next Chapter as a Breathwork Facilitator
My most recent examples of starting to walk the way and trusting the way will appear have been enrolling in a breathwork facilitator certification program (earlier this year), and most recently—going to my first in-person breathwork event.
I’ve been doing breathwork for years now and it’s been such a helpful practice for me.
As someone who is used to spending so much time up in her head thinking thinking thinking—breathwork helps me get back into my body.
For those who may be newer to breathwork—it’s intentional breathing patterns as a way to move energy around in the body.
The certification program I am going through is led by the Owaken Breathwork team and they have a few different types of breathwork that they teach.
- Breath Awareness: noticing your breathing patterns exactly as they are without needing to change them. A great practice when you want to be present with what is and just observe.
- Restorative Breathing: a deep but calming belly breath to help your nervous system slow down. Breathing in deeply through the nose for 4 seconds, and out for 6-8 seconds, which helps your system settle.
- Activation Breathing: an energizing breath that is meant to intentionally cue your sympathetic nervous system (the one responsible for fight or flight mode) to move energy and emotion around in the body so you can process it.
I find that breathwork helps me move energy and emotions around in the body (instead of things feeling stuck or stuffed down), helps me get energized or helps me me relax (depending on what I am feeling and which breathing technique I am using), and is a practice that gives me time each day for myself to be more present with whatever is going on in my mind and body (vs. just rushing through my day).
And as I am learning more and more about breathwork (and practicing it more and more myself), I am amazed by all the benefits that can come from a regular breathwork practice.
Things like improved focus, reduced stress, processing emotions (even ones that we have stuffed down for a long time), and helping clear out the open “tabs” in my brain.
It’s not always comfortable when I sit down and do my breathwork practice (especially if I am doing activation breathing) but when I finish—I often notice that I have “more space” in my body.
That’s the best way I can describe it—more space in my chest, a lightness, less tenseness in places like my jaws or shoulders.
Which helps me feel like I have more space to show up as the wife, business owner, friend, and human that I hope to show up in the world as.
Breathwork is certainly not a cure-all for uncomfortable emotions, but it is a reliable way to help support yourself in those moments of discomfort.
And that is one reason why I am so so so excited about this next chapter as a breathwork facilitator in-training (even more so after attending my first in-person event!!!!!!).
It finally feels like I am on a path that I am meant to be on.
I feel more and more excited about the future of my work.
I’m seeing physical, mental, emotional and spiritual shifts within me.
Which is making me feel really inspired.
AND (because two things can be true at the same time)—I am also feeling like a major beginner.
While I have practiced breathwork for some time in a fundamental way…
…as I keep learning more about it, I realize just how much of a beginner I am.
I still have so much to explore with doing deeper breathwork journeys (longer guided breathwork sessions which give you space to process deeper emotions).
I still have so much to learn about how to guide others through a breathwork practice (whether it’s a short one or in the future longer ones).
I still have so much to learn about the body + mind connection and how to work with both my mind and body vs. only thinking my way through everything.
I still have so much to learn about what it means to feel my feelings and make space for them without judgment.
I still have so much to learn about connecting to my inner wisdom, my intuition, and tuning into what my wise self wants (instead of the fear-based self, or the part of me that just wants to have everything under control).
I still have so. much. to. learn. about being human.
And somewhere along the way, I’ve stopped letting myself document my learning process (something I used to LOVE doing).
It’s my own unhelpful story that “I should be an expert if I am a coach.”
And to some degree—this is true. I am an intentional coach who wants to guide people in the best way I can.
Yet—what I am learning more and more in this breathwork facilitator training is that there is no finish line to healing, and all we can do is do our best to hold space for ourselves and others as safely as we can.
Which feels so comforting.
Which helps me surrender into being a beginner again.
Which has given me more permission to lean into being a student, and sharing my journey to learn and grow.
Taking You Along With Me
Something I really resonate with deeply is when I see other people taking me along for their journey.
Whether it’s them saying “here’s day 1 of me trying this new hobby” or “here’s what I am learning as I train for my first marathon” or “here’s what me and my partner are experimenting with.”
I love love love seeing that.
I love feeling included in someone’s process.
I love feeling like I am going along for the ride.
So it’s time for me to lean into that.
It’s time for me to share more of my process, my journey, my becoming…
…even if it feels uncomfortable or new or unfamiliar.
I’m so used to sharing relationship related content that I have to actively challenge myself to share other things.
That stops now!!!
There is so much I want to share.
Things like the importance of including our body in our healing journey—not just the mind.
Things like why our body gets so triggered and how to create more inner safety (not just in relationships, but in any situation).
Things like how creating inner safety in the body first can help us tap into more helpful mindsets.
Things like what it looks like to trust ourselves more and more from a deeper place of confidence because we’re making a decision from a grounded place (vs. a frantic one).
Things like how we can interrupt the patterns and cycles that we’ve been stuck in for so long, little by little.
I can’t wait to share all the things!!!!!
But before I share all the things…
I have to start here.
With one post.
With one nugget of wisdom.
With one first step.
And I hope by sharing more—it continues to give you the permission to be exactly where you are right now.
Even if (especially if) you have no idea where the heck you’re headed.
Because that’s where the magic lives.
When we can let uncertainty be there and have faith of what could work out (instead of only fears of what might not work out).
And trust ourselves to figure it out along the way.
Bit by bit, step by step.
PS—if you want to practice having deeper self-trust in yourself despite things being uncertain, check out the 7-Day Challenge ‘Building Self-Trust and Confidence’ inside the You Love and You Learn community! here’s what members shared about the challenge:
“I loved all the insights, prompts, and daily actions in this challenge!! THANK YOU!!”
“I found the prompts super helpful! I am new to journaling and need some guidance so I loved the prompts, and it felt good getting thoughts out on paper!”
